Monday, February 11, 2008

When is enough enough?


I had a friend, lets call him Guy, who I was inseparable with in high school. We did everything together and did it well. Guy and I were co-editors-in-chief of the school newspaper, president and vice president of several different clubs, and he directed the plays and musicals that I starred in. While we both had a lot of different friends and would always hang out with others, we were still very close. I would have done anything for Guy. But Guy being a guy, he didn't always express to me that he would do anything for me and some of my friends thought he abused our friendship by taking advantage of me. I never really felt this way, but everyone is entitiled to their own opinons.

We went our separate ways in college, but still managed to talk pretty frequently and get together when we could. When I got engaged Guy was so very happy for me. He didn't make it to the wedding because he had joined the military, but their didn't seem to be a whole lot he could do about that.

Over the summer Guy called me because he was in town and said he really wanted me to join him at a friend's Bday celebration. I reluctantly agreed just because I was never really friends with this friend of Guy's or any of the people that would be at the party. Guy was late to the party so I was left to make awkward conversation with the others. He finally showed up with another friend who was driving him around because he was drunk out of his mind and still drinking. Plus he was smoking like a chimney.

I honestly don't hold anything aganist anyone that smokes or drinks if they do it in a respectiful (and safe!) manner, but he definately wasn't. In addition, he was always that person that lectured others for smoking and drinking so it was very hypocritical of him doing all that.

Guy then did something stupid. He hit his friend in the head in a semi-joking manner. Well, Guy's friend said it hurt him and they stayed mad at each other the rest of the night. As we moved the party to a local restaurant to get a late meal, Guy stayed outside mostly refusing to come in until his friend apoligized to him. Basicly, Guy was being a huge, drama filled asshole. I said good-bye to him that night and as I went home I was really angry at Guy for being so disrespectful. I don't think it is right to cause uneccessary drama with a good friend and I although I can certainly drink my fair share too, doing it to the point of being obnixous and dangerous is just not ok in my book. After that I decided that maybe Guy and I were a little too different now and I wasn't going to call him anymore.

Fast forward to this weekend. I am at a restaurant in my hometown and Guy's brother happens to be in a large group of people I was eating dinner with. I over hear him say that Guy is home from the military (sounds like permanently) and is going to be staying in the area for awhile.

So now I am perplexed. After our last time spent together with him being such an asshole I didn't really want to see him. But on the other hand I do. He was a good friend for so long and what happened with him friend really didn't have anything to do with me, other than me just observing it and not agreeing with the way he was treating his friend.

In the back of my mind I really want to see him, but why does part of me think that I may just get hurt trying to be his friend again? And do I really want to associate with someone that makes bad decision in regards to drinking?

So when is enough enough? When do you stop investing in a friendship and pull the plug? Any advice on the matter is encouraged.

Oh, and thanks for reading this MEGA HUGE post. :)


Julia said...

Mmmm. That's a toughie. I'm a firm believer that people change with time and not always for the best. Some people who you absolutely adore will turn into monsters. I say give him one more chance but if he's truly a changed man, then be done with him. Not worth it to have negative people in your life. Just my 2 cents!

Teresa said...

I appreciate that advice Julia. Recently I have been thinking more and more about how I used to put a lot of effort into people that probably didn't deserve it. And then others, really true friends stuck around even when I was putting effort into them.

It makes me wonder why they stick around if they see me putting so much into others.

Oh and I totally wrote this response while listening to music on your blog. :)

Julia said...

LOL. You are so funny.