Monday, January 19, 2009

This just needs to be said.

*Let me preface this post by saying that I am not trying to be a bitch. And I do not believe that everyone wants to hang out with me all the time, because while I do have good qualities, I also have bad ones and that not everyone loves. (I don't see anyone walking around with an I love Teresa shirt) In addition, this post isn't directed at one single person.*

With that said, I feel like I need to get something off my chest. I host things at my house. Sometimes they involve two people other times they involve 40. I love being social and having people over, but it takes a lot out of me (and Nathan) to host a big group of people. I always go overboard with cooking, and the cooking I normally do takes time, LOTS of time. And when that gets magnified to a big group it sometimes takes days for me to prepare to have people over, not just with cooking, but also cleaning and getting the house ready. Plus, when I host more than just a few people, it takes a lot for me to enjoy myself because I feel like I am constantly needing to make sure everyone is ok.

In addition, there is a money factor. Nathan and I spend a big chunk of our budget hosting big and small gatherings. We are happy to do so because we love our friends, but because of this, we have to cut out other things in our lives. So it isn't always easy to make every group bigger.

I think it is obvious that I have made a great group of friends from an online community. I have heard us called a clique, and while I don't love that term, I can understand why people have called us that and feel that way. We became close friends very quickly. And I won't speak for any of them, but these people have become my friends because we have things in common and I truly feel with this group that not only do I make the effort to be their friend, they make the effort with me.

I don't want anyone to feel like I personally exclude them from things, but not everyone can be invited to everything, period. Especially not when it is something that is happening at my home.

I truly hope no one is offended or hurt by this post. It is not meant to be that way. I've just had people ask me why they aren't included on things and I want to clear it up. If you disagree, that's fine and I respect it but I probably won't change the way I host things so that I can keep my sanity and not go broke.

15 comments:

Angie said...

Now I wanna get an "I love Teresa" t-shirt. Wouldn't that be funny!

I totally understand where you're coming from tho. Hosting that many people is a huge ordeal. You gotta clean (at least I feel compelled to majorly clean when I have peeps over), and it isn't cheap at all.

I didn't get to talk with you that much but I meant to tell you that your food was amazing!

Teresa said...

Thanks Angie!!

I love GNOs, but I never feel like I get to talk to everyone. Sometimes there are just so many people, it's hard to talk to everyone.

Lisa said...

Teresa - I don't know what to say to this except...don't feel bad!! Being a constant hostess comes with its drawbacks (like not always being able to invite EVERYONE).

I can't speak for anyone else, but while I wouldn't classify your group of close friends a "clique", there have been some strong friendships formed. Yipee! Yay! Awesome! I have a great group of girlfriends too. Who cares? To feel threatened by that is silly in my opinion.

I have no idea who you feel might have been "offended" by not being included on one of your gatherings, but let me just say that I feel that is the minority. As someone who has a very busy life of her own, I just wouldn't have the time or energy to be concerned with something so trivial.

If you love your "home gatherings" keep doing them and try not to let the rest of it bother you. Life is too short :).

And, I totally hear you on the time and money it takes to organize a get together - no matter how big or small.

Teresa said...

Lisa,

You were able to bring up some additional very good points and I appreciate that.

It has just been really hard fielding questions (yes, people have asked) of why some people get invited and others don't, so I just want to get my true feelings out there so everyone can see my point of view.

Lisa said...

Teresa - It does seem like a lot of people always ask you about you about that, which does seem (IMHO) slighty rude (I would just never bring it up - it's your business not mine). However, I truly don't think they mean it that way.

Having said that though, if I were you I would be totally sick of answering that question and completely understand the need to put it out there and avoid the uncomfortable conversation that seems unavoidable for you.

You are an awesome person and everybody DOES love Teresa. No worries, girlie!

Man, I'm so verbose today - LOL.

LC said...

Amen, sister! I feel like I have used that line many, many times. Everyone can't be invited to everything. That is life...get over it!

Maybe people think that you are hosting mini-GNO's at your house and inviting some and not others. I can't think of any other reason people could be confused. They don't understand that you are getting together with a group of friends (that also happen to go to GNOs).

And WHO THE HELL approaches you and asks why they aren't invited. Strange, in my opinion...and rude!

I know how you are feeling because I have dealt with that in my own social group. Peoples' feelings get hurt when a small group of us do dinner at a friend's house but dinner for 6 and dinner for 12 is a HUGE difference.

Feel better...and DON'T feel bad!

Trisha said...

Well said, ma'am. :)

I don't know why you feel bad. I should feel bad! I have NEVER been able to have any of you glorious women over to my home! (Well, I don't think anyone really wants to drive to IL anyway. Plus, we live in a small apt.) One of these days I'm going to MAKE YOU come visit me though. BUT, Ric will be doing the cooking, not me!!! BTW: I think you would LOVE Ric!! ;)

Trisha said...

P.S. I'm on my way out the door RIGHT now to find my "I PUFFY-heart Teresa"!! (I will make sure I spell it right this time too!)

Trisha said...

P.S.S. I just saw Kristal's post about your beer cheese soup. Ric made some of that last weekend for our friend Peter's going away party. Honestly, I'm not a big fan (just don't like the taste). . .but it was a big hit!

Teresa said...

LOL Trisha, people spell it wrong ALL the time. It only bothers me when I feel like they should know better. Like co-workers and family that see my name in print all the time.

N. said...

Eeek! I'm guilty!! I know I said something on Sat...giving you grief... I was drinking and joking and after reading this I totally see how it could be upsetting and I sincerely apologize.
I completely understand all your points, and I would never expect to be invited to everyone's everything. I had been invited to something before and hadn't been able to make it and that's how it came up, but I know that I razzed you and Kristal about it (although I don't remember what I said... damn wine), but whatever it was, I was not meant to be taken seriously, but I can understand how it could be a difficult situation for you, so I promise not to give you crap for it ever again! Sorry sweetie... it's not my fault you're so cool and such a good cook, though... :)

Maggie said...

Alright, I seriously think someone needs to put a "I heart Teresa" shirt up on Zazzle or CafePress stat!
:D

Oh, and if I didn't say it Saturday, Teresa, the food you made to go with the wine was fabulous! Thanks for making that for all of us!

mxq said...

awww, Teresa! i hope you feel better now that you've gotten that all off your chest. i completely agree with everything Lisa said 110%. honestly though... can you blame people for wanting to hang out with such a great hostess? :)

Rhonda said...

What?!! You didn't invite me to something??!!

Dude, whatevs. I have 2 opinions on that kinda thing.
1) The hostess/planner/activty director always gets bitched at for something. AKA you can't please everyone.
2) If you want to hang out w/ Teresa so bad, have a party at your place and invite people. AKA lead by example.

Amanda said...

Okay I can see if you have a super tight group of girls like in SATC and Samantha has a party and doesn't invite Miranda that Miranda would be upset but if its just a random friend like Stanford I don't think He would have any right to get upset for not being invited. Did that make any sense at all? I guess what I'm trying to say is that if it's not a super tight friend that is upset that you didn't invite them then I wouldn't let it get to you. Plus like Rhonda said if they wanted to hang out with you so bad they would invite you to their house.