Why, oh why did you have to make corn fritters and hush puppies today? They are both my weakness. I greatly enjoy them, but my waistline is a different story.
Dear person with a crap attitude,
GET OVER IT. You aren't perfect either, sir.
Dear Metro bus driver,
Last time I checked you aren't driving a Pinto, you are driving a huge ass bus. So maybe when you are making a hard right turn you should get off your cell phone and concentrate a little more on not hitting any cars.
Dear college students (yes, multiple!) that got arrested today,
You are idiots. After someone makes the statement, "I'm calling campus police." That is when you stop yelling at someone, harassing them, or doing stupid shit that is deserving of calling campus police, and you run.
Dear account that usually doesn't make any money,
THANK YOU for making money this month!!!! Can we maybe keep this up and try it in March too?
Thank you for taking advantage of the nice weather and starting to clear off our eye sore of a hill in the back yard. I will reward you for that.
Please, dear, pee outside. That's really all I want.
Dear gym patrons,
I am all for everyone getting exercise, but if you are REALLY going to keep this New Year's resolution, please learn how to use the elliptical correctly. Going 2 miles an hour while talking on your cell phone isn't going to help you.
Dear spinning instructor,
I am a spinning virgin. On Saturday, please be kind.